Books for Struggling Kids

When big emotions leave everyone exhausted.

Photo by Ben Wicks on Unsplash

I have kids with big emotions and deep thoughts. Their feelings come like tidal waves, leaving us all emotionally drained. They get it from me, I’m afraid, which makes it all the harder to train them to manage their emotions while I’m trying to control my own. I have sought wisdom about this for years, and I know of no silver bullets. But counselors are helpful, for my kids and for me. Doctors are great. Pets are therapeutic. Knitting is how I teach my kids without losing my mind and my temper (usually). And we read books. Books have been a godsend.

Some of these helpful books were written for grown-ups, but some of them are picture books for kids, and those are my favorite. They not only help my kids, but they also give me a script to talk with my kids about hard situations and emotions in a godly way. So this blog post lists some of the books that have helped us, starting with kid books, and working our way to the grown-up books.

• The Executive FUNction Series by Bryan Smith. I read once that children with anger issues usually also struggle with executive function, a set of skills including emotional regulation, flexibility, time management, organization, and more. I was referred to this award-winning series by one of my best friends, and I have used it over and over with my kids. It’s ideal for kids in elementary school, like the brothers featured in the stories. While you can buy the books individually on Amazon, I have no regrets about buying the whole set as a cheaper package from Boys Town Press. Here are the individual titles in the series:

  • Fix It with Focus: A Story About Ignoring Distractions and Staying on Task

  • How Did You Miss That?: A Story About Teaching Self-Monitoring

  • Time to Get Started: A Story About Learning to Take Initiative

  • I’ll Never Get All of That Done: A Story About Planning and Prioritizing

  • How Do I Remember All That: A Story to Improve Working Memory

  • My Day is Ruined: A Story Teaching Flexible Thinking

  • What’s the Problem?: A Story Teaching Problem Solving

  • It Was Just Right Here. It lacks a subtitle, but this book teaches organization.

  • What Were You Thinking?: A Story About Learning to Control Your Impulses

  • Of Course It’s a Big Deal: A Story About Learning to React Calmly and Appropriately

• The Good News For Little Hearts series written by the Christian Counseling Education Foundation. This set of Christian books deals with common emotions and struggles in a God-honoring way. One of my favorite things about the stories is that they often show adults struggling, too, before they lead the child (and themselves) back to Scripture and a godly attitude. As a Christian parent, I want my kids to know that adults struggle like kids do and that the Gospel is good news for all of us. Again, you can buy them individually on Amazon or at New Growth Press, but I have no regrets about purchasing the whole set for a discount.

  • Zoe's Hiding Place: When You Are Anxious

  • Jax's Tail Twitches: When You Are Angry

  • Buster's Ears Trip Him Up: When You Fail

  • Tori Comes Out of Her Shell: When You Are Lonely

  • Gus Loses His Grip: When You Want Something Too Much

  • Henry Says Good-Bye: When You Are Sad

  • Buster Tries to Bail: When You Are Stressed

  • Caspian Crashes the Party: When You Are Jealous

  • Halle Takes a Stand: When You Want to Fit In

  • Gwen Tells Tales: When It's Hard to Tell the Truth

  • Henry's Big Mistake: When You Feel Guilty

  • Zoe's Time to Shine: When You Want to Hide

  • Sadie Finds Her Voice: When You Are Shy

  • Tomas Looks Up and Out: When You Don't Consider Others

  • Darcy is Always First: When Siblings Fight

• Counting Yourself Calm by Eliza Huie. This is a great book filled with Scripture, deep breathing, and mindfulness to teach kids how to physically and emotionally regulate. Here’s the thing: It won’t work if you only open this up when your kids are upset. That’s way too late to be helpful. It’s best to read and practice this book with your kids while you are all calm. Then when someone starts escalating emotionally, you’ll know how to follow the steps in the book to calm down before anyone starts screaming.

• What Do I Do With Anger? by Dr. Josh and Christi Straub. This Christian picture book is written for younger children, but it has wisdom for any age. It’s probably the best book I’ve read that explains to kids how anger is often a masking emotion for deeper feelings. It helps kids (and their parents) learn to probe beneath the surface of anger and look for the deeper feelings, like sadness, grief, or embarassment.

• The What-To-Do Guides. I have several of the books in this series, including What to Do When You Worry Too Much, What To Do When Mistakes Make You Quake, and What to Do When You Grumble Too Much. They are best for reading along with your grade school children as they give secular, but wise counsel.

Speaking of the book What To Do When Mistakes Make You Quake, I have several story books written just for tiny, little perfectionists that you can find at most libraries:

• Beautiful Oops by Barney Saltzberg. This is a charming little book full of vibrant illustrations and brilliant suggestions for how a mistake can be a springboard for inspiration. Occasionally, I’m told, “Mom, look! I made a beautiful oops.” I always love hearing that, and it’s 100% due to this book.

• Clorinda by Robert Kinerk. I like just about anything illustrated by Steven Kellogg, and this rhyming story is so cute that I would have fallen for it even if I didn’t live surrounded by tiny perfectionists. But the fact that the titular character is A) an aspiring ballerina, B) learns a great life lesson, and C) is a cow made this a book I read to my kids again and again.

• The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes: A Growth Mindset Book to Promote Self-Esteem by Mark Pett and Gary Rubinstein. I don’t know if this book promoted self-esteem in my children, but it did give them a reassuring look at what happens when we let go of the constant pressure to be perfect.

• The Dot by Peter H. Reynolds. This illustrated story is the pithiest book I’ve ever read on art, self-criticism, and the power of encouragement. It’s a great read for any kid (or adult) who says he can’t create.

I’ve found the following parentings books really helpful for me:

• Raising Emotionally Strong Boys by David Thomas. Now, I do not have boys, but I own this book and prize it highly. It gives excellent wisdom from a Christian counselor about how to help kids at every age and stage learn to practice emotional regulation in a healthy way.

• Raising Worry-Free Girls by Sissy Goff. Sissy is a Christian counselor who works in the same practice as David Thomas. This book is her wisdom for parents on how to help their girls in an increasingly anxious age.

• Child Proof: Parenting by Faith, not Formula by Julie Lowe. I hate formulaic parenting books. They can fall into legalism, and often the “fool-proof” strategies don’t work for my kids anyway. This book is the antithesis of legalistic parenting books. Written by a counselor from the Christian Counseling Education Foundation, Julie Lowe lays out how parents can rely on the Lord, not on specific strategies, while also giving practical suggestions and advice for understand and parenting the unique kids God has given them.

As much as books have been helpful for us, they aren’t always enough. Sometimes kids need counselors. Sometimes they need doctors. Sometimes you do. How do you know if you need a counselor for your child’s situation? Err on the side of seeking counsel. If your issues are pretty small, the counselor will tell you and likely discharge you pretty quickly. If your child is struggling so much that their emotions are interfering with their day to day life, you should definitely look for a wise, trained counselor, at least to coach you, if not your child.

I hope you can find books and stories that encourage you and your kids and bring you joy in every season.